Cobb Salad

“How To Win Friends And Influence People” Part 4

by karen | Dec 22, 2012 | Non-Fitness

Part 4: Be a Leader: How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment.

Reflection:

• “He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves” (p.220)
• “Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the person whom you ask” (p.221)
• “Praise is the sunlight to the warm human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it” (p.227)
• “When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.” (p.229)
• “We crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it, but nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.” (p.231)
• “Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.” (p.222)
• “In short, if you want to improve a person in the certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics” (p.234)
• Give them a fine reputation to life up to and they will make prodigious effors rather than see you disillusioned.” (p. 234)
• “Let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it – and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.” (p.289)
• “Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest” (p.244)

Discussion:

Principle 1: Being with praise and honest appreciation.

• How can you do this when you are especially mad at someone?

Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.Sneak attack?

• What if someone told you how to do something by telling you how NOT to do it…what if they told you how TO do it and focused on that?

Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

• Unless you are correct 100% of the time you really have no place in downplaying the other person.
• How can you apply this in a situation in your work? Family? Especially with your kids.

Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

• No one wants to hear orders, if you ask questions, then that person might figure it out.
• How can you apply this with the people in interact with daily?

Principle 5: Let the other person save face.

• Why do you feel the need to “call someone out” a lot of the time?

Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.

• This HAS to work with kids.
• What if teachers/coaches applied this principle to their students? How would this effect learning?

Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

• How can you set the bar high without making that person feel overwhelmed?

Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

• No one wants to feel like a burden to someone. Most of the time it takes encouragement versus a “slap on the wrist”.
• Are you quick to condom or quick to encourage?

Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

• No one wants a “to do” list from someone else, especially if they don’t want to do the actions on that list. How can make someone happy about doing something they dread? (i.e. a kid cleaning their room? An athlete taking on pull ups when they are afraid of heights)

Application:

Principle 1: Being with praise and honest appreciation.

• I’m going to start conversations with a praise versus a suggestion of how I would have done it. “Compliment sandwich” (start and end with a compliment).

Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

• This is going to be tricky and require some thought before I even approach a conversation. I don’t want to turn it into me becoming defensive.

Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

• I HATE admitting when I’m “wrong”, but I do know it fixes an argument. I know things would go smoother if I would just admit this out of the shoot.

Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

• I’m using this indirectly with my athletes. I ask them about the set up of a movement versus me telling them. I’m finding out they are listening and learning. Which is great for me to discover as a coach.

Principle 5: Let the other person save face.

• There is no need in making someone look bad. I don’t want it done to me so I don’t do it to others, not matter HOW bad I want to…because sometimes I do. I will stand firm on this principle.

Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.

• I enjoy giving praise so this isn’t that complicated, I just need to remember to do it instead of telling them/athlete what “not” to do.

Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

• I have STELLAR athletes and I need to remind them of that, not just when they have a bar in their hand. I know they are strong and I know they can lift more than they do, but I’m working on figuring out “why” they don’t.

Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

• I have the perfect opportunity to do this and I am going to take more advantage of it.

Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing suggest.

• The more leadership roles I take on the better I need to be at this. When working in a group you want everyone happy about doing their “duties”, if I need help with an area I want the person I ask to be happy to help me and not view my requested action as “just another thing on their to do list” because chances are, if that person is happy about doing the action, they will go above and beyond for you!

“How To Win Friends And Influence People” – Part 3

by karen | Dec 22, 2012 | Non-Fitness

Part 3: How to win people to your way of thinking.

Reflection:

• “There is only one way  under high heaven to get the best of an argument nad that is to avoid it” (p.116)
• “A man convinced against his will is the same opinion still” (p.117)
• “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; by it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will” (p.118)
• “Buddha said: “hatred is never ended by hatred but by love” (p.120)
• How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument: (p.120-121)
  • Welcome the disagreement
  • Distrust your first instinctive impression
  • Control your temper
  • Listen First
  • Look for areas of agreement
  • Be honest
  • Promise to think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully
  • Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest
  • Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem .
• “When one yells the other should listen- because when two people yell there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations” (p. 122)
• “If you cant’ be sure of being right even 55 percent of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong?” (p.123)
• “You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong” (p.125)
• “Isn’t it much easier to listen to self criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips” (p.137)
• “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and empathically” (p.141)
• “Lets admit our mistakes quickly with enthusiasm” (p.142)
• “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected” (p.142)
• “A drop of honey catches more files than a gallon of gall” (p.151)
• “He who treads softly goes far” (p.157)
• “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.” (p.162)
• “Isn’t it wiser to make suggestions – and let the other person think out the conclusion?” (p.164)
• “Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well.” (p.166)
• “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own”  (p.171)
• “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do” (p.176)
• “Three-Fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you.” (p.177)
• “You can dramatize your ideas in business or in any other aspect of your life” (p.192)
• “All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory” (p.197)
• “One of the major factor that motivated people was the work itself” (p.199)
• “The desire to excel, The desire for a feeling of importance” (p.199)

Discussion:

Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

• How can you avoid that desire to win the argument? Or to prove you are right?

Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “your wrong.”

• What happens when you say “Your wrong”; the other person just tunes you out correct?
• You are a smart person, can’t you come up with a way to figure out how to “prove your point” without having to say “Your wrong”?

Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

• As much as you hate to do it, what direction does the argument take after you admit that you are “wrong”?

Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way

• Why start out screaming? Start the discussion in a friendly matter and see what happens.

Principle 5: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

• How can you get the person to say “Yes”? What are some techniques?
• How can you find common ground?

Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

• Don’t you feel better when someone lets you explain your side of the story?

Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

• How much pride do you have/show when it was “your idea”?
• Don’t you think it would decrease the argument if you let them discover it was their idea?

Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

• Put yourself in their shoes? How would you feel if you were on their side?

Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

• How can you be open to others ideas?
• Take off your blinders, because they might see something you don’t see.

Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.

• How can you stick with what you know and not tread off in the “deep end”, that will get you no where.

Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas.

• Who doesn’t like their ideas in lights?

Principle 12: Throw down a challenge.Who doesn’t like a good challenge?

• This motivates EVERYONE in some form or fashion.

Application:

Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

• I am going to practice just walking away because I will argue, walk away and the brew about what I should of said/ what I didn’t say, etc.

Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “your wrong.”

• I think this was directed at me. I’m all about “being right” and having control of the situation.

Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

• I’m getting better at this as much as it kills me, however I do feel better after admitting I’m wrong. It kinda gives you the “upper hand”.

Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.

• I start out in a friendly way but I’m quick to get defensive, so I do need to work on this.

Principle 5: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

• I LOVE this concept and cannot wait to apply it. I just need to figure out how to use it in my field.

Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

• This one is hard for me because I want to talk and explain how I can relate when sometimes I just need to shut my mouth.

Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

• I need to get better at this because I like the pride side of saying it was my idea, or I created that.
• Why do I need to take all the credit?

Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

• This last about a hot sec for me in an argument. And I do struggle to see the other person’s view sometimes. I don’t’ have to see their whole view, just one point of it.

Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

• I have a problem with the fact of, if your idea doesn’t appeal to me, then it shows in my expressions and actions.

Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.

• I tend to get off track sometimes. I just need to slow down and stick to my nobler motives, because that is what works.

Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas.

• Who doesn’t like their ideas in lights? Thanks to strength finders 2.0 I am “futuristic” and I Like to see the “big picture” .

Principle 12: Throw down a challenge

• I’m always down for a challenge. I just have to know when to apply this because even though everyone is motivated by a challenge in some sort or fashion, I need to work on the degree to apply this. I don’t want to overwhelm someone.