On to CrossFit – and why I joined, what I have learned since joining…and the I AM Challenge:

I tried to continue running during the last few years, even completing a couple more marathons – but my times were horrible and my speed was slow.  I did not focus on my diet much over this time – and seemed to gain 2-3 lbs each year – until I was at the highest weight I have ever been.  I guess my brain seemed too full of all of life’s responsibilities for me to focus on and take care of myself.

My mother was in the hospital in May 2013 for the 4th time in a period of just over a year.  Several times during the year prior to this hospital stay, we thought we would lose her, but she persevered.  This time, her stay lagged on longer…spanning 12 days.  I was at the hospital almost every day…and very worried and stressed.  One day at the hospital, I am not sure entirely why, but I decided to check out the CF website.

I have friends who are members of CF and they had talked about it over the years, but I always thought that it wasn’t for me.  But, something told me that I needed to finally do something completely out of the norm for myself – despite my time constraints with working and caring for my mom.  I needed to shock my system – get out of my comfort zone – do something totally focused on me for a change.  So, I signed up for Elements on that day, and joined CF Downtown.  I was so out of shape that I could hardly walk after Elements, but I decided to plug along with it.

During the first few months of CF, my mother’s health took a sharp turn from what was already bad – to much worse.  I truly believe that CF helped me to keep my bearings and perspective during this time.  I tried not to miss any workouts, especially when my mother was in the hospital.  They really helped me get through some of the toughest times.  CF was a distraction and working out helped me to feel empowered and strong.  It felt good to have something like this as my own…a respite for a few minutes while working out, even if there was an emergency phone call during my time at the gym – which there was a few times.

I decided to sign up for the I Am challenge because I felt like I needed something to jump start me and wake me up.  Something to kick me out of old habits, and start new empowering habits.  So, I took the plunge and decided to sign up.

Over the last few weeks – I have felt more and more like my old self from 10+ years ago.  I had forgotten what it was like to focus only on me – and my health and well-being.  I Am reminded me of this feeling.  It reminded me that I can do things I never thought were possible….just because I’ve never done something before, doesn’t mean that defines me and what I can do in the future.  It has reminded me that just because I developed some bad habits – doesn’t mean that I can’t change them.  Bad habits don’t have be a part of me – they can just be something I happened to do for a long time – but they are not me.  Now I can create good habits.  But again, they do not define me and who I am – but they are a sign of my inner strength that is always part of me.

I have learned that I have more will power than I thought I did (or than I remembered that I did).  I guess I have known all along that I have a lot of will power – especially after training for and running several marathons over the years.  But, this challenge reminded me of that.  I realized that I was copping out with too many excuses over the last few years, and I needed something like this challenge to remind me that I actually am stronger than I sometimes want to admit.

I believe the human brain wants to make you think that you are not that strong – rather than putting yourself out there with a chance for failure.  I believe that for better or worse, the brain has a strong survival defense mechanism in this regard – it’s instinct is for it for it to tell you not to even try – rather than try and risk failing.  But, what I have found is that you usually succeed if you put yourself out there.  And if you don’t, at least you learned something in the process.  There are lots of excuses for failure – my metabolism has slowed down, people just naturally gain weight as they age, my body can’t handle the additional workouts, my knees are not strong enough…most of these are cop outs.   I just needed to get over myself and all of my excuses.

My mom and dad will always be with me.  Even though I am lonely at times for my parents – I must remind myself that they are there for me in ways that many who have actual physical parents cannot be.  They can be there at a moment’s notice for me in my thoughts, and in ways that they never could be in life – with all of their physical limitations.  I feel like my mom is finally free to dance and sing and cheer me on in what I set out to accomplish in life.

March 9, 2014