How To Win Friends & Influence People, Part 1

by | Dec 8, 2012 | Non-Fitness

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Reflection:

  • “Criticism in futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.” (p. 5)
  • “By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.” (p.6)
  • “Lets realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or, like the gentle Taft, will say: “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.” (p.8)
  • “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius,  “When your own door step is unclean.” (p.13)
  • “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creathers bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.” (p.14)
  • “A great man shows his greatness.” Said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.” (p.14)
  • Instead of condemning people, lets try to understand them. Lets try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.” (p.17)
  • “Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from 2 motives; the sex urge and the desire to be great” (p.18)
  • “Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important” (p.18)
  • “Schwab says that he was paid this salary largely because of his ability to deal with people.” (p.24)
  • “Carnegie praised his associates publicly as well as privately.” (p.25)
  • “We of ten take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.” (p.26)
  • “There is nothing I need so much as nourishment for my self-esteem.” (p.27)
  • “We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars.” (p.28)
  • “True, some people are so hungry, so thirsty, for appreciation that they will swallow anything, just as a starving man will eat grass and fish worms.” (p.28)
  • “Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.” (p.29)
  • “If all we had to do was flatter, everybody would catch on and we should all be experts in human relations.” (p.29)
  • “One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.” (p.30)
  • “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” (p.37)
  • “The world if full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.” (p.45)
  • “People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store from them.” (p.45)
  • “Remember: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.” (p.50)

Discussion:

  • Principle 1: Don’t Criticize, condemn or complain.
    • How often do you do this?
    • What happens if you were only allowed 1 criticize/day?
  • Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  •            Is this passive appreciation? Do you just say “thanks” without thought behind it? Is it just a routine, or do you truly mean it when you say it?”
  • Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
  •            How can you do this?

Application:

  • I’m shocked at how much they reference history. Talk about history repeating itself.
  • Application of Principle 1:
    • This is going to apply to me when teaching new movements/lifts to my athletes. I’m going to put more emphasis on the positive side of things versus the negative side. I will correct by putting a lot of attention on the positive versus the wrong.
    • I will focus on the positive side of every situation.
  • Application of Principle 2:
    • I’m quickly learning that people just want to be appreciated. Like the book talks about.
    • How can I make each and everyone feel appreciated?
    • Application of Principle 3:
      • This isn’t one that is going to come natural to me. I will have to take a hot second and think before I speak.