Part 4: Be a Leader: How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment.
Reflection:
- “He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves” (p.220)
- “Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the person whom you ask” (p.221)
- “Praise is the sunlight to the warm human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it” (p.227)
- “When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.” (p.229)
- “We crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it, but nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.” (p.231)
- “Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.” (p.222)
- “In short, if you want to improve a person in the certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics” (p.234)
- Give them a fine reputation to life up to and they will make prodigious effors rather than see you disillusioned.” (p. 234)
- “Let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it – and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.” (p.289)
- “Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest” (p.244)
Discussion:
Principle 1: Being with praise and honest appreciation.
- How can you do this when you are especially mad at someone?
Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.Sneak attack?
- What if someone told you how to do something by telling you how NOT to do it…what if they told you how TO do it and focused on that?
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Unless you are correct 100% of the time you really have no place in downplaying the other person.
- How can you apply this in a situation in your work? Family? Especially with your kids.
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- No one wants to hear orders, if you ask questions, then that person might figure it out.
- How can you apply this with the people in interact with daily?
Principle 5: Let the other person save face.
- Why do you feel the need to “call someone out” a lot of the time?
Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
- This HAS to work with kids.
- What if teachers/coaches applied this principle to their students? How would this effect learning?
Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- How can you set the bar high without making that person feel overwhelmed?
Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- No one wants to feel like a burden to someone. Most of the time it takes encouragement versus a “slap on the wrist”.
- Are you quick to condom or quick to encourage?
Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
- No one wants a “to do” list from someone else, especially if they don’t want to do the actions on that list. How can make someone happy about doing something they dread? (i.e. a kid cleaning their room? An athlete taking on pull ups when they are afraid of heights)
Application:
Principle 1: Being with praise and honest appreciation.
- I’m going to start conversations with a praise versus a suggestion of how I would have done it. “Compliment sandwich” (start and end with a compliment).
Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- This is going to be tricky and require some thought before I even approach a conversation. I don’t want to turn it into me becoming defensive.
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- I HATE admitting when I’m “wrong”, but I do know it fixes an argument. I know things would go smoother if I would just admit this out of the shoot.
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- I’m using this indirectly with my athletes. I ask them about the set up of a movement versus me telling them. I’m finding out they are listening and learning. Which is great for me to discover as a coach.
Principle 5: Let the other person save face.
- There is no need in making someone look bad. I don’t want it done to me so I don’t do it to others, not matter HOW bad I want to…because sometimes I do. I will stand firm on this principle.
Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
- I enjoy giving praise so this isn’t that complicated, I just need to remember to do it instead of telling them/athlete what “not” to do.
Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- I have STELLAR athletes and I need to remind them of that, not just when they have a bar in their hand. I know they are strong and I know they can lift more than they do, but I’m working on figuring out “why” they don’t.
Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- I have the perfect opportunity to do this and I am going to take more advantage of it.
Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing suggest.
- The more leadership roles I take on the better I need to be at this. When working in a group you want everyone happy about doing their “duties”, if I need help with an area I want the person I ask to be happy to help me and not view my requested action as “just another thing on their to do list” because chances are, if that person is happy about doing the action, they will go above and beyond for you!
