Part 3: How to win people to your way of thinking.
Reflection:
- “There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument nad that is to avoid it” (p.116)
- “A man convinced against his will is the same opinion still” (p.117)
- “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; by it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will” (p.118)
- “Buddha said: “hatred is never ended by hatred but by love” (p.120)
- How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument: (p.120-121)
- Welcome the disagreement
- Distrust your first instinctive impression
- Control your temper
- Listen First
- Look for areas of agreement
- Be honest
- Promise to think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully
- Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest
- Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem .
- “When one yells the other should listen- because when two people yell there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations” (p. 122)
- “If you cant’ be sure of being right even 55 percent of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong?” (p.123)
- “You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong” (p.125)
- “Isn’t it much easier to listen to self criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips” (p.137)
- “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and empathically” (p.141)
- “Lets admit our mistakes quickly with enthusiasm” (p.142)
- “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected” (p.142)
- “A drop of honey catches more files than a gallon of gall” (p.151)
- “He who treads softly goes far” (p.157)
- “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.” (p.162)
- “Isn’t it wiser to make suggestions – and let the other person think out the conclusion?” (p.164)
- “Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well.” (p.166)
- “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own” (p.171)
- “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do” (p.176)
- “Three-Fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you.” (p.177)
- “You can dramatize your ideas in business or in any other aspect of your life” (p.192)
- “All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory” (p.197)
- “One of the major factor that motivated people was the work itself” (p.199)
- “The desire to excel, The desire for a feeling of importance” (p.199)
Discussion:
Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- How can you avoid that desire to win the argument? Or to prove you are right?
Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “your wrong.”
- What happens when you say “Your wrong”; the other person just tunes you out correct?
- You are a smart person, can’t you come up with a way to figure out how to “prove your point” without having to say “Your wrong”?
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- As much as you hate to do it, what direction does the argument take after you admit that you are “wrong”?
Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way
- Why start out screaming? Start the discussion in a friendly matter and see what happens.
Principle 5: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- How can you get the person to say “Yes”? What are some techniques?
- How can you find common ground?
Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Don’t you feel better when someone lets you explain your side of the story?
Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- How much pride do you have/show when it was “your idea”?
- Don’t you think it would decrease the argument if you let them discover it was their idea?
Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Put yourself in their shoes? How would you feel if you were on their side?
Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- How can you be open to others ideas?
- Take off your blinders, because they might see something you don’t see.
Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.
- How can you stick with what you know and not tread off in the “deep end”, that will get you no where.
Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas.
- Who doesn’t like their ideas in lights?
Principle 12: Throw down a challenge.Who doesn’t like a good challenge?
- This motivates EVERYONE in some form or fashion.
Application:
Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- I am going to practice just walking away because I will argue, walk away and the brew about what I should of said/ what I didn’t say, etc.
Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “your wrong.”
- I think this was directed at me. I’m all about “being right” and having control of the situation.
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- I’m getting better at this as much as it kills me, however I do feel better after admitting I’m wrong. It kinda gives you the “upper hand”.
Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.
- I start out in a friendly way but I’m quick to get defensive, so I do need to work on this.
Principle 5: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- I LOVE this concept and cannot wait to apply it. I just need to figure out how to use it in my field.
Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- This one is hard for me because I want to talk and explain how I can relate when sometimes I just need to shut my mouth.
Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- I need to get better at this because I like the pride side of saying it was my idea, or I created that.
- Why do I need to take all the credit?
Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- This last about a hot sec for me in an argument. And I do struggle to see the other person’s view sometimes. I don’t’ have to see their whole view, just one point of it.
Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- I have a problem with the fact of, if your idea doesn’t appeal to me, then it shows in my expressions and actions.
Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.
- I tend to get off track sometimes. I just need to slow down and stick to my nobler motives, because that is what works.
Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas.
- Who doesn’t like their ideas in lights? Thanks to strength finders 2.0 I am “futuristic” and I Like to see the “big picture” .
Principle 12: Throw down a challenge
- I’m always down for a challenge. I just have to know when to apply this because even though everyone is motivated by a challenge in some sort or fashion, I need to work on the degree to apply this. I don’t want to overwhelm someone.
